Get a Hobby
There seems to be a misunderstanding with people my age, in their early twenties, where they don’t think hard work is required to live a relatively good life anymore. They think that the comforts that usually come at the end of a career should be knocking at their door right now. I don’t know if it’s because there’s an influx of influencers and celebrities that are showing a life filled with 10am Pilates classes, a quick 1-2 hours of “computer work”, mid-afternoon massages, spa treatments, coffee runs and shopping sprees, dinner at the hottest spot in town, and then have them proceed to talk about how they’ve had a “long and exhausting day”, but the perception of hard work and the realities of life have been skewed in an alarming manner. Staying an hour or two past 5pm is a sacrifice beyond comprehension, eating lunch at your desk is a violation of work/life balance, and responding to emails on the weekend is unthinkable.
Of course, this isn’t everyone, and I’m sure I’m being harsh, but it’s because I care about this. I am lucky to be surrounded by a ton of extremely hard working people who inspire me to keep grinding and doing the same. But that’s the hack- if you’re surrounded by it, then it becomes a fact of life to work hard and not a shock. If the majority of people in their early twenties are seeing videos about quiet quitting and how you should want an easy desk job that requires no effort, it creates a culture of laziness. Yes, lazy. Sorry! Someone has to say it. I’ve seen Emily Sundberg, someone whose hustle and work ethic I admire greatly, touch on this a little. If you want success and a life of abundance, you have to give something in return. You have to sacrifice.
I get it though, I really do. If you’re waking up at 7AM to be in the office by 8, eating lunch at your desk, and leaving at 7pm, you can start to think that there’s little else but work in life. Now bear with me for a second. Change that wake up time to 6AM and do an hour of something you love. Read a book or article or YouTube tutorial on the commute home, and don’t open up Tiktok when you get back. Instead, maybe try to cook a new dish, go for a run or do a workout, go to a book club meeting, or a tennis/pickleball court... something! Assuming you’re in bed by 10pm (because you should get a good night sleep), 7-9pm is 2 hours, and waking up at 6 is an extra hour. That’s three hours that you can devote to something that can fuel you. 15 hours in a 5-day work week to do something that fills your cup.
I know you’re thinking, “but I’m so tired after work”, and I get it, I really do, but you can still do things tired. You’re allowed to do things tired. Or maybe you just do it two or three times a week. That’s, what, 6-9 hours of time to explore a fun outlet? That builds over time, and suddenly instead of having spent all your evenings watching reality TV at home, you could become a fantastic cook, read more books, have a wicked pickleball or tennis serve. That’s not to say you can’t watch TV, but I mean you guys— we have 7 days in the week! I don’t want this to sounds like those crazy motivational speakers who talks about how you have to utilize all 24 hours of the day to your benefit, but I think that exploring and partaking in things outside of screens will not only make your work feel less draining, but can also be a catalyst as to WHY you work hard— because then you can play hard. Spending your twenties grinding away at your job is what you’re supposed to do. That should be the norm.
You might think that I’m contradicting myself here by saying you should work hard and long hours, but also find time to pick up hobbies. What I’m saying is that the one leads and contributes to the other. When you can be at work and know that you have a fun activity planned for after, it can make it more bearable. You can feel more fulfilled and realize that the purpose of work is to be able to create financial stability to create a life that you love. Laying in bed at night and feeling the dread of having wasted your day by going to the office and then sitting at home scrolling your phone will be replaced by one of the most powerful feelings on this planet: purpose.
If you have read any of my letters, then you know how intent I am on spending as little time as possible on my phone, and I’m actually quite passionate about wanting to get more girls my age off their phones and back to partaking in rigorous hobbies. That’s how I like to think of it, a rigorous hobby. Something that brings joy and fulfillment but requires a bit of brain power, or physical power. Bonus points for both. Being knowledgeable and involved in different areas of interest not only aids in a sense of self confidence and sufficiency, but it strengthens the relationships around you by being able to discuss, relate, and debate more cognitively challenging topics and events with others. Jonathan Haidt just had a fantastic guest writer on his Substack, After Babel, that talked all about the cheapening of friendships that is a byproduct of connection moving more and more online as opposed to in person. There is so much more value in spending time out in the real world, and when you’re out there you meet some really cool people, and you realize they are doing fun things, living life to the fullest, filling it up to the very brim.
I love my hobbies, and I’ve got a good amount of them. I haven’t been writing my Substack as consistently as I’d like to be, but writing this is certainly a hobby. I’ve been writing a lot of my book instead, which is also a hobby. It’s been so fun to create a world and characters that are entirely my own, perfect down to their imperfections. I go for hikes a lot with my friends, and also go on no-phone hikes alone. I play golf, not as much as I’d like to, but I’m getting my clubs down to Nashville soon and plan on going to the range at least twice a week. My friends and I have a monthly book club. I’m lucky that my job is very community based, and so I go to writer’s rounds in the evenings a lot. I watch and follow hockey extremely closely, I think more girls should get into watching sports! I taught myself how to knit from YouTube tutorials. I cook and bake.
I work days, nights, and weekends right now. I am tired a lot, and don’t have a lot of time to go to the bar or take full weekends trips. I also can’t finance a lot of that stuff right now, and anyone in their early 20’s who you see partaking in extravagant trips or nights out multiple times a week is either being supported financially or going into debt, that’s just the truth of it. I’m working a lot, but I have gotten really good at finding pockets of time to fill my cup back up. I wake up an hour earlier than I have to in the morning so I can get in an hour of reading, because I love it. If I have an hour or two in the afternoon in between working, I go for a hike or I cook or play tennis. If I get home late, I’ll throw on a hockey game as I clean or eat so I know what’s happening in the league and can talk about it with my family.
I’m really fucking tired sometimes, but I also know that I’m young and passionate and it’s okay to be tired right now. I’m setting the foundation for the rest of my life, and when I’m older I want to be interesting. I want to be experienced and wise, and you can’t be that if you’re spending all your time online.
Work hard, get a hobby, and don’t get caught up in the false ideology that every aspect of life is supposed to be enjoyable all the time. Being in your 20’s is a hard fucking go— or atleast it should be if you want to reap the rewards later. Hobbies make it bearable and add value and happiness to everyday life, something that scrolling on your phone will never do. Stop working against yourself and rejoin the real world.
